Updated: Dec 19, 2022
Those of you who have been following my instagram the last weeks or months, know that I am currently going through a period of a lot of self doubt, and feeling kind of lost of what I want to do in life (work and career). It is really a real luxury issue as the main problem is that I have too many things that I think are so much fun and I don't know what to choose. The more I have been thinking about it the more doubts have arisen. Especially a lot of doubts around my coaching business and my spiritual path, and those are very deeply woven together. The more I have been thinking about it the more I have forgotten the power of this work, because "this work" for me is very little about thinking and very much about feeling and being. But then I was suddenly reminded of the power.
Recently I was deeply triggered due to a personal event (and I wont go in to the details of it as they don't matter for the purpose of this post). One of my go tos when I feel really bad is movement, and I was feeling too bad to go to the gym so I took a walk in the cold weather outside. I could barely keep myself together, a cried on and off through the whole walk. Then it suddenly hit me that I do know a perfect practice for this situation to release what ever needs to be released (Thank you Layla Martin for the VITA program).
I got home. I was nervous. Nervous for what would come up. Sometimes it's beautiful. Sometimes really ugly. The practice was one about gaining deeper clarity in a relationship, as it was a specific relationship that had so deeply triggered me. I also believe that a practice involving my inner child could have been powerful, as what was triggered in me was my inner child's fear of abandonment. But I choose the relationship practice based on gut feeling and intuition. I prepared the practice space with the needed cushions. I sat down and I got started. It hurt. I cried. I was angry. It was ugly.
I gave myself time to integrate. To just be. In silence. Moving slow. Breathing. I could feel something healing, it was as if it was just rinsing away from my body, and then the empty space inside was filled up with gratefulness and trust and it was trust on a new level.
It wasn't until a few days later, that I realized that I had forgotten the power of this work and these practices and that the triggering event was what reminded me. Because yes, I also do forget the power of this work.
Ps. When I say this work I mean the inner work, the spiritual work, the tantric work, the energetic work, a lot of that can't be described in words but only felt. For me it is magic.